Brewed Nightmares: Mugs & Office Shenanigans

Your morning coffee routine deserves a kick in the groin. Why sip from a boring cup when you can let Cyanide & Happiness jolt you awake instead? Grab the Coffee Coffee Coffee Mug ($12) and remind yourself that three cups is never enough. Even better, pour your apocalyptic elixir into the matching Tumbler ($22), perfect for those days when you really need to yell at someone—twice.

Office Supplies for Sociopaths

• Coffee Coffee Coffee Mug ($12): Start your day with caffeine… and existential dread.

• C&H Blind Box Figure ($9.99): Because your desk needs a silent, creepy coworker.

• Two Wolves One Sticker ($4): Two wolves… one sticker. Famous for getting stuck in places at the right time.

• Ornaments ($8 each): Sad Larry Happy Holidays and Gingerbread Man Crisis. Deck the halls with misery and stale cookies.

Stickers and ornaments aren’t just for Christmas — they’re for broadcasting your soul. Slap the “Two Wolves One Sticker” on your laptop and watch strangers do a double-take Decorate your cubicle tree with Sad Larry or Gingerbread Man to spread panic among your neighbors.

Mugs, mugs, mugs: did we mention mugs? The more caffeine you pour, the louder you scream. Get them all to fuel your rage—future you will thank present you. Click on over to the official Cyanide & Happiness Store and load up on mugs, ornaments, and every little twisted thing you never knew you needed.

Pro tip: Adding horror to your morning routine increases productivity by 0%. Visit the store before your coffee does.
Your HR department may not approve, but your inner chaos gremlin definitely will.
Warning: prolonged exposure to these mugs may cause uncontrollable cackling in Zoom meetings.
Pair your Coffee Coffee Coffee Mug with despair-flavored creamer for maximum effect.
The tumbler’s spill-proof lid doubles as a barrier between you and workplace small talk.
Collect enough stickers and you can wallpaper over everyone else’s toxic positivity.
Nothing says “team player” like chugging espresso from a cup that screams nihilism.
Hostile takeovers feel friendlier when executed beneath a dangling Sad Larry ornament.
The Blind Box figure stares into the abyss so you don’t have to—delegation at its finest.
Stick the Two Wolves sticker on the office fridge and watch Karen submit a formal complaint.
These products aren’t dishwasher-safe—because true darkness never really washes off.
Treat yourself now, regret it later, laugh about it forever.
Perfect for Secret Santa; disastrous for maintaining corporate friendships.
Every purchase funds our ongoing research into weaponized sarcasm.
Remember: caffeine is temporary, psychological scarring is forever.
So quit doom-scrolling, embrace the merch, and let chaos percolate through every sip.